Archive for Rants

You *Have* to do it this way!

“Bullshit! I don’t have to do anything!”

You see what I did there? People do NOT like being told what they have to do. That includes me. Nothing sets me off more than a martyr-tard (crossfitter) or a yogi or a clean eater or a 300lb. power lifter tell me I *need* to do things they way they do it.

No, I don’t need to do crossfit to get ripped.

No, I don’t need to do yoga to become flexible; I’m flexible enough.

No, I don’t need to eat clean to lose weight.

No, I don’t need to squat 400lb. Squatting does not help me climb up the side of a cliff/mountain/rocky outcropping.

No, I don’t need to stop eating carbs at 7:12pm.

In fact, I will go out of my way to not do something just because you told me I have to.

What’s best for you is not best for me. Your way is not the only way. There are many many ways. Your way does NOT work for everyone. Your way only works for you and those that have similar wants and beliefs as you. If your way worked for everyone, that would be the *only* way anyone could achieve results. But it’s not. So now what’s your theory?

My current favorite quote from Frankie is, “it only takes one data point to disprove your theory.”

How powerful is that?

“If you want to get jakd, you *have* to do crossfit.”

O’rly? I know bodybuilders, basketball players, runners, and professional eaters that are more jakd than you, and they certainly don’t do crossfit.

“If you want 6-pack abs, you *have* to eat clean.”

You sure? Michael Phelps eats 10,000 calories of junk when he’s in the middle of the training season. Are hotdogs and pizza clean? Because that’s what Kobiyashi eats to prepare for an eating competition.

“Oh, well, they’re the exception.”

Ooooohhhhhh!!! So we can agree that your way is NOT the *only* way. Interesting. Then why are you still a preachy mother f*cker??

I’m sure you can scour my website and find some places where I say “you need to do _____”, but I honestly try to only give you ideas on what could help you. I leave it up to you to take action and apply those ideas.

I can see in my clients eyes sometimes that they HATE when I ask them, “so what do you feel like doing today?” I know they’d rather have me tell them what they “need” to do. But guess what, how you feel and what you think will have more effect on your training outcome than following what someone else says you need to do.

Case in point:

Last Wednesday, my client Ryan was doing rows. Betweent sets, I saw him playing around with bottoms up presses. I asked, “hey, man, would you rather finish these rows or stop early and do some BUP?” He told me he actually felt like doing BUPs more than rows. Ok, cool. Let’s do some BUP.

Lo and behold, his retard strength shined. He bottom up pressed a 36kg kettlebell. That, my friends, is sick nasty. And at no time did I dictate to him what he *needed* to do.

Rather than let *someone else* dictate what you need to do, why not follow what *you* want to do? If you’re going to pay for a trainer, don’t hire a dictator to tell you how to run your body. Hire someone with the knowledge base that will help you work within your current limitations in order to expand them faster. If you’re going to buy 6 different workout programs from 6 different gurus over the course of 2 years at $50 a pop, why not buy into a training system that allows you to do what you want based on the feedback provided by your body, one time, for the rest of your life?

If you’re one of these preachy b*tches I’m ranting about, what makes you qualified to tell people what they *need* to do? Your job should be to point them in the right direction, based on their goals, and help them along the way with coaching cues. Your job should not be high dictator.

Yoga will NOT solve all of the world’s problems, so stfu and only educate those asking for it.

I’m Bored

I know, kids, it seems like I haven’t really been blogging about nutrition and/or specific topics lately, right? It’s not that I’m running out of topics, it’s just…..that I’m bored.

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100th Post: A Hodge Podge of Evryfing!

Ho-kay! Super duper, team! Way to go! Can you believe it’s been 100 posts already?! Actually, I’m sure the big time bloggers average close to 100 posts every 2 months. Me? Close to 2 years. Muahahahaha!

In true fashion of this website, I’m going to touch on something from each of the categories I post about. Let’s sit back, put your hand down your pants (if you’d like), and bask in my self-perceived gloriousness. Read More→

The Anti-Guru

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you know that I say a lot of “ridiculous” sh*t, especially when it comes to nutrition. Things like, “if my fatloss stalls for a week, I increase my calories, not decrease them.” Or, “I ate a family size package of brats over the weekend and lost a pound.” When it comes to training, people don’t understand why I would EVER do 13 sets of 8 reps on just 1 lift. Why is it that I do the “crazy” sh*t I do?

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Defining the Power Clean

If there’s one thing that I can’t stand, it’s arguing minutiae. (For those less educated, that means the precise details of a bigger idea.) As much as I hate it, here I am arguing, erm, maybe, discussing (?) it on Twitter with a fellow aspiring strength and conditioning coach. We both know exactly what a clean and press is. I’m assuming (not always a safe bet with O-lifts, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt) we both know how to perform them properly. However, we are not agreeing on verbiage, and it’s something that annoys the hell out of me. Especially when people that “know” how to do them start talking about them incorrectly.

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Are You Really Ever Too Old?

Y’all remember Brian from this post, right? Ok, he wasn’t really in there all that long. Just long enough to make a cameo. Well, I thought I should give him a little more camera time. As a 67 year old powerlifter, obviously vanity is his number one priority, and I didn’t want him getting upset with me for lack of recognition.

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Flakey Female Douchebag

Well, well, well. Looky whats we got here. A guest post! This was an unknown, involuntary guest post to be exact. Ya see, I was cruisin’ the ‘ol FB (Facebook) one day, and I noticed one of my friends (a real life friend at that) published a new note. This was no ordinary note either. Why? Cuz he used the word “douchebag” in the title. Immediately I new I had to read it. As I continued reading, he started to swear. Good lord, it was like I was reading literary genius…on FB nonetheless!!

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Helllooooooo? Are you in there?

Before I even get into it, I know that this is going to be a spin-off/sequel/more in-depth post of my Kidz post and “You can’t be a pussy your whole life” quote. It is inspired by a discussion on another website and a TV show. If you haven’t guessed it by now, it’s going to be about the pussification of society, and yes, mostly men.

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What’s the Point?

I wouldn’t call myself, nor do I think I have ever heard anyone else, call me deep, philosophical, wise, or genius (unless it was said with deep sarcasm), but every once in a great while, one of the great mystery’s of life will hit me. Then I’m stuck. I just said I’m not real deep thinker. It’s kind of like the blind leading the blind. I mean, what kind of great and knowledgeable answer am I going to come up with?

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My Epic 2 Hr. Cardio Battle

Wow, so, where do I begin? I know, how about how I hate anything and everything related to cardiovascular workouts. I’m not a fan of sprint workouts, not real keen on circuit training, and I might rather stick a pencil through my eyeball than do steady-state cardio.
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